Now alluding to other events of the, etched-in-my-memory, making-me-cringe-every-time-i-think-about-it, night. I had handed over my phone to Mowgli, for safekeeping in his pocket. At some point i got a message from Mini, a guy whom i've met through Dolly (my closest friend in the world, our history going back to school times, the one who uncannily calls me every time im upset, without knowing it!). Now Mini, for the past couple of months has been asking me out on a date quite doggedly, despite my dropping massive hints to the effect that i was completely not into him like that. The reason why i haven't just been able to say so outright, is simply because i have a huge problem with saying no, i just cant seem to be able to stand my ground if i think that i might potentially be hurting somone, even if it is at the expense of hurting myself!
Anyway, getting back to the situation, Mini once again expressed his desire to take me out for coffee, and Mowgli happened to read the message. Once i filled him in on the background story, both of us, in our drunken state, decided to have some fun. He replied from my side telling him very bluntly, that i wasn't interested, to which Mr coward, Mini, replies that he isn't either! Honestly, sometimes people can be so oversensitive! And this coming from me, Ms cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat, is really something! Anyway, our little entertainment turned out to be a big mistake! It completely pissed Dolly off, owing to her closeness to him, and she screamed at me, at my immaturity and carelessness among other things, the next day, till i was yet again reduced to tears, and eventually had to send an apology message, pleading drunkenness, which didn't however, elicit a reply. Whatever. I hope that no grudges are borne from his side, because there certainly aren't any from mine.
In other news, Big messaged today, saying he'd 'noticed' that i seemed ticked off with him when i left the party, and asking if i was going to make an issue out of it. I didn't reply, my selfish and therefore self confidence boosting measure. He however messaged again a few hours later, quite surprisingly, i must say, saying that my lack of response obviously meant that i was hankering for a fight. This time i did reply, honestly not wanting to create issues and prolong tensions between us, due to there being too many people involved. I made it clear that i wasn't going to make it an issue, and i just needed some time to deal with my problems myself. Post this i found myself revelling in a feeling of peace, with myself and the world at large, like the removal of a big burden from my back. But he had to ruin it. He messaged again, apologising! Why oh why is he doing this to me? Why cant he just let me be? How do i make him understand what i feel? How do i make myself understand?
Happy Diwali to one and all, may this season give me and all of you a fresh start :) God knows, it is desperately needed!
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