A bout of the flu compounded with acute boredom has brought me to my old blog- a perusal of which makes immensely clear why it was abandoned by me. The dramatic shenanigans of a twenty-two year old, with every incident being treated as if it heralded an apocalypse of sorts, surely does not the stuff of happy writing make!
I realize now, a successful attempt at moving on from that supposed endless sadness would only be made if I stopped writing about it. And I did. Life has changed so greatly in the past four years, and more importantly, I have changed so profoundly that it is hard to capture that wealth of emotion. One thing however, that thankfully has not changed, is my love for writing.
Returning to my blog posts of yore, embittered with one heartache after another (sometimes with them even overlapping!); tragic experiences and the half-hearted attempts at moving on from them to greener pastures, makes me more aware of my reality as it exists now. Let me tell you, the heart aches only grew from thereon, becoming stronger with each new blow till I found myself a hardened, disaffected shell at the raw age of twenty-four. Nevertheless, the path of growth never stemmed- I lived in London for a year, met new people, had a multitude of fresh experiences and learnt how to let my hair down. But, truth be told, everything that has happened to me so far seems, in hindsight, to be a catalyst in bringing me to where I am now.
More self-reliant than I ever was, proud of my burgeoning legal career with the ASG of the Delhi High Court, ensconced with a belief in myself of reaching hitherto unscaled heights, and most importantly being in the healthiest, and in some ways, the most defining relationship of my life. I was clearly being shaped into the person I am now, so I could wholeheartedly appreciate the man that was to be granted to me. J- my best friend, my lover, my caretaker, my inspiration, my anchor, my rock, my comfort zone and my husband. When we found each other, it felt like two pieces that had been missing the other half through the ages, had finally fallen back into place. The ease with which he fit himself into my life is a testament to the inevitability of our being together. His presence instead of hampering my emotional growth (as in past relationships) has only aided in making me stronger, in attempting to discover my sense of self, of who I am meant to be.
And so, I conclude that 'Love' is as hard to define as it is to find. It is an all-pervading feeling that one just understands. This, here and now, is love.
I realize now, a successful attempt at moving on from that supposed endless sadness would only be made if I stopped writing about it. And I did. Life has changed so greatly in the past four years, and more importantly, I have changed so profoundly that it is hard to capture that wealth of emotion. One thing however, that thankfully has not changed, is my love for writing.
Returning to my blog posts of yore, embittered with one heartache after another (sometimes with them even overlapping!); tragic experiences and the half-hearted attempts at moving on from them to greener pastures, makes me more aware of my reality as it exists now. Let me tell you, the heart aches only grew from thereon, becoming stronger with each new blow till I found myself a hardened, disaffected shell at the raw age of twenty-four. Nevertheless, the path of growth never stemmed- I lived in London for a year, met new people, had a multitude of fresh experiences and learnt how to let my hair down. But, truth be told, everything that has happened to me so far seems, in hindsight, to be a catalyst in bringing me to where I am now.
More self-reliant than I ever was, proud of my burgeoning legal career with the ASG of the Delhi High Court, ensconced with a belief in myself of reaching hitherto unscaled heights, and most importantly being in the healthiest, and in some ways, the most defining relationship of my life. I was clearly being shaped into the person I am now, so I could wholeheartedly appreciate the man that was to be granted to me. J- my best friend, my lover, my caretaker, my inspiration, my anchor, my rock, my comfort zone and my husband. When we found each other, it felt like two pieces that had been missing the other half through the ages, had finally fallen back into place. The ease with which he fit himself into my life is a testament to the inevitability of our being together. His presence instead of hampering my emotional growth (as in past relationships) has only aided in making me stronger, in attempting to discover my sense of self, of who I am meant to be.
And so, I conclude that 'Love' is as hard to define as it is to find. It is an all-pervading feeling that one just understands. This, here and now, is love.
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